A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:
Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”
Inspector: “What is her height?”
Husband: “I never checked.”
Inspector: “Slim or healthy?”
Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.”
Inspector: “Colour of eyes.”
Husband: “Never noticed.”
Inspector: Colour of hair?”
Husband: “It changes according to season.”
Inspector: “What was she wearing?”
Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”
Inspector: “Was she driving?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”
Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.”
Inspector: “Don’t worry sir, we will find your car!”
A 70 year old woman finally decided to get married
A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.She put an add out in the newspaper.“Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed”
She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn’t find anybody suitable.She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring.She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.“Can I help you?” She asks.
The man smiles and says “Its me, your new husband!”
“You must be joking…” The woman laughs.
“Well think about it,” he says. “I have no arms so i cannot beat you.I have no legs so i cant walk all over you.“The woman’s eyes narrow and she asks “Are you still good in bed?
“The man leans back in his chair and smiles.“I rang the doorbell didn’t I?”